Friday, March 28, 2008

I am still here

I have been having a rough few weeks. I keep meaning to post but my heart is just not in it. I am really going through a depression. It all revolves around our house being for sale.

We have been having about one showing a week. We had one yesterday and it was looking I thought fairly good-but alas they have decided against it. One showing the people love the property but the house is not fancy enough for them and the next they like the house but the property isn't what they are looking for.

I have had a pretty rough day today. Ever since I got the email that they have ruled our home out (yesterday's showing) I have been sitting and crying. I am really mad at myself for being so emotional over all of this, but darn it- for 7 stinking months I have been on a stupid roller coaster. This whole moving thing has consumed my whole life and I am so sick of being depressed. You'd think I had been diagnosed with a disease for as messed up as I have become. I am even losing faith in God because I feel like he is not answering my prayers. I know this is all ridiculous, but I can't figure out how to shake it. Showings are the only thing keeping me going, but after each one I just crash down again. I am also stressed knowing that in two weeks our contract expires on the home we want to buy. I have been watching other listings and Mike has been driving by a bunch of them, but we don't like any others. I keep trying to be logical about it all and tell myself "all in God's timing" but my heart just isn't buying it. I am normally such an up and positive person, that this depression has really wore me down.

In the last couple of weeks we have celebrated our two year anniversary of our "gotcha day". We all went out for Chinese to celebrate. Katie turned 20 last week. So, for about 6 months I have no teenagers in the house. Mike is back to work after having about a month off. He is in charge of rebuilding a new road through a town. It sounds like this particular project will last all year.

Well, that about wraps up my update. I will try to be more positive next time. :)


OziMum said...

Oh Rachel, that sucks.

I know what you mean, about your life revolving around one thing. I was soooo caught up in "adoption" when we started, it was ridiculous. I suffered, my family suffered. I made a conscience decision to focus on the kids... so much so, I'm running just to keep up with all the stuff I'm doing at the moment - and adoption is one of the last things on my mind!!!

I could say "it'll happen at the right time"... which is true... but you already know that! So, I'll send you big ((hugs)) and say "keep the faith". I wish I was there, I would take you shopping!!! Shopping ALWAYS makes me feel better!

Sheila E. said...

Hang in there girl....Love ya!

Julia said...

Huge Hugs Honey - You know I'm on your page.